She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
