two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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