I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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