I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
