I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
