Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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