Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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