Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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