I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
