Will you blow on my dice?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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