I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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