think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
PANTIES FOUND
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