when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
