Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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