you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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