we have officially lost it.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
