Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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