is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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