It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
