This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
