dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
