So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
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Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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