I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
