Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
