$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just cut my nipple shaving
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
