Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
