He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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