She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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