i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
