no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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