Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
