One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
