and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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