i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
A+ Viking dick
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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