I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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