I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
