I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
