i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
