I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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