I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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