He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
