I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
