I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
