He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
