remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
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im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
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Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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