Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize