Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
