in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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