Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
