I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
