I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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