I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
