Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
