So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
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All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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