She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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