Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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