we have pet lesbian snakes
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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