im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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