Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
