she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
