I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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