I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
