Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
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Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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