the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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