So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
