So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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