Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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