I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
