So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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