He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
