Whatcha textin bout Willis?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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