after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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