That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
