Yo dont text me then not text me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
