I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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