is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
