And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
where are my eyebrows?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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