I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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