just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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