It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
