As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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