Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
