so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
