fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
