So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
