I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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