I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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