What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
