yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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